Archive for April, 2009

8
Apr

04/08/09

   Posted by: Nessa    in Dogs, Friends

Good Morning….. well such that it is.  last night I got home, got brian and girl child and we went to see Toby and Michele and Wiley their 13 yr old Corgi.  tonite at 5:15 Wiley goes to the Bridge.  For those that don’t know about Rainbow Bridge  here is the poem.  but be WARNED.. if you have ever lost a pet and you are not made of stone you will cry.  I CRY and I’m a cold hearted Bitch.


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….


Author unknown…

I am the driver for tonite.  after all Michele took me when I had to put Bagel down in September.  UGH what a horrible thing.  T and M have no children and Wiley is their baby.  My heart breaks for them.  But sadly it’s the natural order of things when we love pets.  they DO NOT LIVE long enough.  and it’s time.  Poor pup’s been in a dog wheelchair for a year…


Anyway Back to my insanity (as if my friends was NOT enough…)  I binged yesterday AND I did not exercise.  AND my stomach is still UPSET AND I have to go get on the scale for the nutrition visit today at the doctors AND I’m betting I’m going to be told that i’m too out of control for the surgery.

I’m sure Brian did not do much better as we’ve both been bad.



I KNOW this surgery is not magic.  I KNOW it can’t fix my head.   I know that I have to learn to just NOT care about food and not want to eat and not put shit in my mouth.   I KNOW this.  And the funny thing is  I LIKE good food.  I also like BAD food.  and I’m lazy.

I admit it.  I admit I want the surgery as soon as possible.   Brian wants it in June.  Ugh.  I could go probably early or mid May and get a jumpstart on him.  Maybe I’ll have to the doctor talk to him about it or the LCSW….  Maybe part of my problem is that I’m ANGRY that he wants/needs to go first and he’s putting it off… and he’s fucking around.

He was told he needs to lose 25 pounds.  he’s doing jack shit about it.

anyway… dinner tonite will be screwed up again.  I have to get control.  soon.

ETA:  brian lost 12 pounds!  I gained 4.  ugh.  but it spurred me on to make a good dinner.

i took toby and chele to the vet for wiley.  toby is very very sad.


7
Apr

04/07/09

   Posted by: Nessa    in Uncategorized

I sometimes HATE how this blog works.  It’s sometimes so hard to get the font and the size and the color the way I wan them.

ON the other hand… i love having an entire site devoted to me.  and it’s FUN.

I”m still not feeling good… but i’m toughing it out.  I assume it’s food/testing related.

did not get to work till 8:45 today.  not going to be a good day.

not much to say.

tomorrow is Sloane.  ugh.  i know she will yell I’ve lost NOTHING and i don’t think bri has lost anything either.   I don’t know what happens in that case. i guess tomorrow we find out.


6
Apr

04/06/09

   Posted by: Nessa    in Health

Good Morning.

I missed writing yesterday and the day before.  Weekends are getting so hard to get stuff done. Seems here I’m having a hard time getting started as well.

The weekend was good friday the table was delivered and Norman came over and Brian Norman and I ate a yummy but bad for us lunch (quiznos) and that was the beginning of the end for the weekend binge.  then we gamed a bit.  and then Brian left and i just vegged out.

Saturday night was girl child’s party so we ran around that day getting stuff (Aldi’s and BJs) and I got a new magic bullet like blender at Aldi’s for 25 dollars.

Saturday Girl child’s party went well.  Norman and Michele came over and we played Dominion and St. Petersburg.  and ate pizza.

Sunday I did take the dogs for a short walk (twice around the neighborhood) and  I worked for 2 hours then went and gamed with Norman and played Lost Cities and learned Airship.  and ate junk and then had a yummy dinner!

I went home to wait for Brian to come home and I ate and ate and ate.  muffin, fudge pop, carrots and hummus, insanity.

girl child made dump cake this weekend and I ate most of that too… ugh.  why oh why am i out of control.  here i am with an upset tummy and i keep looking in my lunch bag.  I’m insane.

Anyway, it’s Monday. I did not get to work till 8 a.m.  (I slept late this morning (till 6:30) I hope i can make it till the end of the day. my stomach is really very very very upset.

ETA1: I’m sure there will be more edits but I forgot to add the piece i heard on NPR this morning about willpower it’s very interesting.


ETA2: I am really still feeling very very very crummy.  if I had a gall bladder I would be concerned that it was bad.  so I’m really concerned it’s my liver.  ugh.


2
Apr

04/02/09

   Posted by: Nessa    in Health

Good Morning.. I’m here at work already.  Tummy seems a tad upset.. not sure what’s going on.  the STUPID scale is up 2 pounds.  I’m really really sucking at losing weight.  I am worried that brian will not be allowed to have surgery and then what happens to me?  If he keeps putting it off and does not want me to have it till after he does…does that mean I don’t get it at all?  Seems so unfair.

I so don’t want to be at work today. I want to be lazy on the couch.  the weather is dreary. My ankle is bothering me. It totally went out on me yesterday when I got off the drs table.  UGH how embarrassing.   Speaking of the doctor I’m a bit miffed to have to have these other tests… but i guess it’s a good thing.  Better safe than sorry.

I’m already at work.  I love my job. I just wish I could be independently wealthy and not have to do it.  today is a busy day.

1. my car has to be dropped off tonite for repairs tomorrow (the cat converter is being replaced yet again)

2. the china closet has to be emptied and removed from the house tonite

3. the dinning room table has to be removed from the house tonite (along with 5 chairs 2 leaves and the table pads

4. somehow some way  girl child has to finish cleaning the house or she’s not going out tomorrow night. she wants this sleep over on saturday night (not that she can tell me who’s coming OY… when will these kids learn) but if the house is not cleaned and ready by the time she wants to go out Friday she has her choice of cancelling the party or not going out friday.  This i tell her tonite.

oy she kept complaining about her needle mark from giving blood yesterday.  I’m more bruised where I had blood work done.  then Harley licks her and she says  “it stings”   I’m never getting grandchildren if this is how she reacts to giving blood.

Oh well…  off to have a day.

1
Apr

04/01/09

   Posted by: Nessa    in Uncategorized

ok i’m up and showered (late for me too it’s 7:30)

i have my blood work this morning
then my upper gi series
then i have to get brian
then we  have to get down to wilikens ave  for our cardio work ups
then i have to take brian back to his office
then i have to go get dog food
then i have to go to my walmart and get milk thistle for hannah and apple crumb breakfast bars for brian and  mouthwash, cranberry apple and sunrise orange drink for me….
then i have to get to giant and get chobani (it’s on sale i’ve been told but i can’t find it in the circular)

other things i need to get

starbucks sugar free syrups
stop at bjs for carrots bananas spring mix, healthy choice fudge pops and a few other things.

it never stops…

i’ll try to update later.

ETA:


the tests are done!  it was a long day.


left the house around 8:10

did my fasting blood work

went and had the horrible terrible VERY YUCKY Upper GI Series  OMG!

(for those that have never had the experience first you fast from dinner the night before. then when you get there they  make you strip down to your panties (and of course the gowns were too damn small so i needed one front and back) then you go and drink a small cup of something with lemony flavored crystals that made me think of alka-seltzer.  and they tell you “DON’T BURP” yeah right!  I’m gulping down foamy fizzy white stuff I want to PUKE UP….  burping is the LEAST of my problems…..

ok then the doc comes in and i stand on a platform with a big table behind me… they take a picture.  then i turn to the side and I drink this pina colada tasting white thick stuff through a straw as fast and as much as I can.  YUCK….  then I turn and do it on the other side. t

THEN the table is tilted back till I’m laying down and the doc says “now roll over on your tummy away from me.”  so I do.  and he says  “keep rolling to your back”  so I do.   then he says  “now roll the other way”   OY.  so I do.  and i’m in this skimpy gown riding up… UGH….

then we have some more pictures

then we have me lay on my tummy and DRINK ON MY TUMMY… UGH

then they took some xrays…  and the one girl was having a hard time finding my hip bones… so she was poking me looking for my hips.  UMMM hello   FAT CHICK here.  rots o’ ruck….    but then that was done…)

so then  I went to get brian but first I stopped at Royal farms and I got gas  It’s back to $2.00 per gallon. ugh.  I got a coffee and creamer (my big treat) and a bagel with grilled onions, lettuce tomato ham cheese and egg.  YUMMY.

we went to the Cardiologist and both had work ups.  The Cardiologist has opted to have us both have Echos (even though I had one 2 years ago) and medically induced stress tests. UGH.  we will have those on the 13th.  oh yuck!

then i took brian to royal farms and got more coffee and he got stuff that i’m not discussing.

while at the cardio doc we got a call from the school that girl child had given blood this morning and did not fare well (she was lightheaded) would i come get her.  I left brian at work and went to get girl child.

we went to the pet store and got the dog food

we went to giant but chobani was not on sale so I got nothing

we went to walmart and could not find what we wanted either

so we came home.

and i napped on the couch.

then i made dinner.

now i eat it.



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