Ethnic Chicken

Nothing Ethnic, Maybe some Chicken, Mostly Nessa

Another Post… or See Below… or THE BOYFRIEND

Not going to make a long story short here so settle down for the long haul.

THIS is my current favorite picture of Jim it was taken a few years back but I think he has a painting in a closet somewhere that’s aging for him.  honest he’s over 18 by 20 years!  he’ll be 38 in June!

I will skip all the stuff about how I’ve known Jim since August 2009… WE first had some serious interaction in August 2010 at a gaming convention.   I’m an outrageous flirt… and with my then-husband’s permission I was rather assertive in my desires of Jim.   Jim even questioned him as to whether or not I was “permitted” this dalliance and was told I was…  Sadly nothing came of it back in August.

Fast forward to the beginning of November 2010 at yet ANOTHER gaming con…. I ramped up the flirting to OVER the TOP… I even posted in private that I was so  over the top that I probably got myself in trouble with “flirty guy” as I referred to him then and there…  He actually sent me a text asking to talk to me… I tossed and turned all night thinking he was going to “slap my hand’ and tell me how inappropriate I was; but no, the truth was, I was OUT there enough to FINALLY CATCH his attention.. and I’m rather glad I did.

So in the beginning of November we decided to start this “relationship”.  I was NOT cheating or lying as my husband knew I was spending time with Jim.  What I did not share was how deeply my feelings for this man were growing on a daily basis. I NEVER meant to care for him the way I do… nor did I ever expect him to care about me back… but we do.  And here we sit.

WE started out slowly  A short visit in early December.. then nothing for four weeks…  a visit in early January showed that we continued to enjoy being together.    That one lasted a bit longer but still not even 24 hours.  Then came the “command performance” as I call it.  A visit two weeks later on January 22nd still only a 23 hour stay… but this visit was pivotal for me.  This was the visit where I realized just how important this man was becoming to me…  and it scared me.    I SHOULD have run then.  But I could not.  or would not is more accurate.

WE made the conscious choice to pursue a relationship.  IT was NOT the reason my marriage broke up. It was a catalyst towards the end of something that should be over.   Being with Jim has given me the strength and courage to do what I needed to do.. NOT stop Brian when he walked out this last time.

WE had another visit in February  our first full weekend.. two nights… Friday-Sunday and I loved it so much I did it again the NEXT weekend…  and by then I was done for.  HOOKED.

We talked and I realized what was going on for me and I expressed my desire to see him more than once a month.  We have currently settled on every other weekend but I do not know how long that will last..  there are days it’s all I can do to NOT get in the car and make the 2 hour trek….

My husband moved out and we just ran full speed ahead into trying to see what we have.   And yes I’m glad we are trying this on to see how it fits.   It’s NOT easy.  Long distance relationships are HARD.  We are both suffering from severe lack of sleep on a regular basis.  My car knows the route so well I don’t even have to pay attention much. I have the trip up 95 down to a science.  1 hour 15 minutes to the Delaware Welcome Center (DWC) which puts me 45 minutes from Jim’s front door.   Baring traffic of course.  The Delaware Toll Plaza is the bane of my existence.  I hope the construction is done soon…. it’s so bad I’m getting an EZ Pass again..

While we live 2 freaking hours apart (and that’s killing me more and more)… We are in agreement that we are a couple now.   Jim makes me smile.  He pushes me to be the best person I can be and yet nurtures me when I need to be coddled and babied.   He is independent enough to take care of himself and yet lets (and needs)  me  (to) take care of  him JUST enough…

I have no idea where we will go. I have no idea how long we will walk towards that goal.  I do know that adding a new partner to my life when my old partner is still in the picture was harder than I ever imagined.  Lots of tears were shed.  Feelings hurt, hearts broken.   Friends lost and confused by this don’t know what to say or who to say it to.   AND it’s compounded by the fact that  MY friends are folks that KNOW Jim…

But now that it’s just the two of us… and I can be open about it… I want to shout to the world that this man is mine. And I am his.

It’s COMPLICATED does NOT begin to describe my life now…

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Before and After..

as requested by a dear friend I have put up a comparison of me at my heaviest and where I am now…

ok I put it up but gave no info

red outfit probably spring 2004 or so… I must have been around 300 pounds I don’t remember.

the after shot.. friday night before going out with hubby  HALF of the woman in the other picture…

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TGIFriday!

more randomness….

here are the kids from last night… taken with my cell phone

so i guess this is the current fav picture of them… Matt’s using it as his avatar on facebook!

My hubby bless his heart is feeling left out… no clue why I love him more than ever… and I think I’ve spent time with him but maybe not…  hard to see your own life when you are living it….    I think that’s why I enjoy having the kids around so much… I can WATCH them learn to be a couple.  I can WATCH them fall in love… and be in love… and it’s darling… they are so good together…

the gym was good today… one of the trainers winked at me as I ran laps… LOL…  yoga was good too.  I love yoga.

my weight is up a bit but I’m sure it’s water weight, I ate a lot yesterday… including popcorn… and chinese food for lunch…

well that’s all for now.

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The Comparison

Ravens Shirt 1/17/10:

Same Shirt  9/17/10  45 pounds lighter:

Pictures can’t lie….  sometimes I don’t see it  stuff like this helps!

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graduation

pictures tonite more later…

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Today you can call me skinny…

because today I FEEL skinny… I thought I LOOKED Skinny but I’m not so sure what do you guys think:

the top is from Old Navy size XL.  The Jeans from Dress Barn… size FOURTEEN… yes 14 and NOT so tight that I can’t breathe in them… or move.   A bit snug on the leg but I think they are supposed to be that way.  So here I am feeling all skinny today and yet the camera adds weight and I feel like i look fat in the pictures… but I don’t.

I mean I don’t look like THIS:

October 2005 I think...

WOW….   so today I feel skinny…. I feel good.  I went out with Angie and we had lunch… I got to see my hubby and give him a kiss… he liked the pants… GOOD…  It’s a beautiful day here…

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