Posts Tagged ‘raving rambling’

21
Jun

More Surgery… the re-invention of Nessa

   Posted by: Nessa    in Health

Yes I’m going to have more surgery on Thursday. Only this time I am SCARED TO DEATH. Thursday I go to St. Agnes Hospital and I see Dr.G. Thomas Grace for a full “tummy tuck” (Abdominoplasty) and a mastopexy or BOOB LIFT… no implants at this point just a lift but Dr. Grace seems to think I”ll be happy with the results. I may be… he may be… but Jim… well he may not be. Of course I’ll still be flat on top so implants may be needed to make the girls fluffy pillows.. but with implants they will be. Dr. Grace says it’s the bra that makes the cleavage but I am not sure that’s going to be enough for me. Oh well time will tell… I will live with them for a bit and see how it goes…

I was not half this scared when I had the gastric bypass in September 2009. I cannot believe it’s almost two years since I had that surgery… it seems like yesterday….

My weight this morning was high for me now… 151.2 I have been as low as 145. The morning of surgery I was 256… that’s about 30 pounds down from my heaviest…. so I’ve lost about 135 pounds. THAT’S about what I’ll weigh when all the plastic surgery is done. I’ve lost ME…. wow.

I’ve also FOUND me… my life has changed so much… my marriage died…. my life changed with the addition of Jim as my partner… I’m now doing an age gap relationship where calling me a cougar seems appropriate… Jim is 38 to my 51 and there are days I feel so old… I’m also doing a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) and it’s HARD. I want to be with Jim full time… and being apart is HARD for both of us…. I really like being a girl… you know feminine and girly… I never really did that in the past… Jim, while not demanding these changes in my life… encourages them, relishes them, supports them (both emotionally physically and financially)…. and he enables me to find the person I am enjoying becoming….

So what has changed for me now…

I dress differently..no more comfy clothes… now it’s skirts and skinny jeans… and SHOES… oy SHOES… i used to only wear comfy flats… now it’s heels almost all the time… even my running around shoes have a 1 inch heel…. that’s about as flat as I get now… nothing much that’s elastic waist… Dresses… form fitting, no A line stuff for me… and it’s true clothes make the (wo)man… I feel differently about myself when I dress up…. it’s a good thing.

My hair… long and curly is no more.. now it’s short and straight… (and yes I like it better this way, makes me look more mature and yet younger… and the color…no longer a Lucille Ball red… now it’s more of a dark auburn… almost a brown with red…. I may go a bit darker still….

Jewelry is plentiful. There are bracelets that Jim has bought me.. my beautiful collar/locket that we had engraved and altered to reflect our life together…. I never liked things around my neck before I lost weight… now I feel naked without my beautiful collar… (and yes it’s a collar that indicates that Jim and I are in a committed relationship, some women wear rings… I have my collar… Jim wears a beautiful ring that I got him… I like that we want traditional things like a committed relationship but wish to symbolize it with non-traditional things…. he also wears his bracelet that I had engraved with KEEPER on it… For he is A keeper… and he is MY KEEPER…. and he takes care of me….

I love this picture… it defines how safe I feel with Jim…. and how Happy I am… I hate that I think I look old and my belly looks like I’m pregnant… I love how happy he looks with me all “critterfied” on him… He’s just such a delight to snuggle into…

Jim makes me feel pretty and sexy and desireable… odd considering that when we started this it was fun and games and I was not his type and not attractive to him….he was like he said “a single guy who was not going to turn down NSA sex” Amazing what love can do for a person… now I’m beautiful…. and he wants me… HOW the hell did I get here with him?

Anyway, I am doing the 95 trek after work to go get him… Hopefully I will be there by 6… I have to drive during rush hour…and he is being very kind and dealing with his dislike of my house and staying with me… He makes a lot of sacrifices for me… and I appreciate it.

Hopefully this summer of pain and stress will be worth it….

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2
Apr

Ramblings, musings, NSVs

   Posted by: Nessa    in Dogs, Exercise, RandomNESS

Hi All,

having a week of discontent. I think I’m retaining water… so I am guessing a “period” is due soon. I never know.

Ankle has been bothering me but i did Yoga this morning. I did skip body pump and cardio last night. Took Harley to the vet. Dang dog gained 7 pounds and is now 101.4 which means I have to give him for over 100 pounds meds… sadly he’s NOT fat at all so he doesn’t need to lose… and he’s still growing. I’m thinking when all is said and done he’ll top out around 115 or so… not bad but still small for a newf…. he’s really filling out nicely…. he needs grooming BADLY but the vet was $600 this month.. sheesh…

:sadscale: 191.6 this morning. :cry: not that I have to fet much… I had major NSV this morning:

1. a denim skirt i bought last fall and never got around to wearing now fits. nicely. I was thinking it’s a 2x (elastic waist) like the one I am wearing today…. NOPE it’s a LARGE…. and it fits GOOD…. it just is so long… (like the one today… I look like an orthodox Jewish girl today… long denim skirt elbow length high neck shirt…) I’m like the BEFORE shot on WHAT NOT TO WEAR….

2. YOGA even with the bum ankle was AWESOME today. DID NOT fall out of a single pose. Knees to chest now means I can interlace my fingers over my legs instead of just holding the outsides of my legs! Modified Half moon… grabbed that ankle… held the downward dog, transitions are better, smoother, faster, LUNGES deeper… working those quads and hamstrings… oh and PLANK… still modified but just BARELY…. WOO-HOO… I noticed that this week… my strength is improving… my flows are improving.

Today I have to call best buy in 11 minutes and try to figure out this damn microwave installation. it’s pissing me off. it was supposed to be installed LAST saturday… they did not have mounting brackets… then they called last night and said they were coming today. NOPE they called at 8:30 and told brian NO… so now I’m trying to figure this out…

oy vey.

food today:

commute: protein latte with CLICK MOCHA and real coffee YUMMY
work: nothing yet will drink a protein shake later
lunch: going to Super Fresh will make a salad with protein
snack: laughing cow and soy chips
dinner: no clue

just not into food….


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28
Mar

03/28/09

   Posted by: Nessa    in Uncategorized

Weird Weird Weird.  The New post toolbar is missing my fonts and sizing.  Oh dear.  At least I have my colors.  This is what I get for tweaking.  I did find a message board for wordpress and will be installing it.  Ethnic chicken will have its own message board… how cool is that???

News:   we lost girl child last night, I found her. Sleeping in her room.  Oy.  She never even told me she was going to bed. Or if she did I did not hear her.

Brian got home around 11:30 from race practice.  Not a good practice.  He’s already gone for today.  Since I’m going out tonight I won’t see him till later.

Tummy is a tad upset…  I made a new casserole for dinner last night and it sucked.  Gummy, flavorless… and appears to have not agreed with me.  UGH.  Oh well live and learn.

I’ve put in a load of laundry already

I’ve called the Baltimore Sun to have them send out a new Sunday paper that was delivered last night (Friday) and is soaked. It never came.

Still looking for someone to take the table and hutch.  I think we are going to have to move it to goodwill ourselves.

My wrist hurts (right).  I think I pulled a muscle or something yesterday.

The dogs are being restless and annoying but it’s raining so they have to suck it up.

Tomorrow we are gaming with Norman.  Amy has something to do.

Tonight I’m going out with girl friends.  OY!  Must stop and get some cash before I go.  I’m excited.  I don’t go out with the girls all that often.

Oh well not much to really say today.

I could talk about my lack of control food wise but I am not sure I want to.

Did I mention that I put the gym membership on hold?  I was going to cancel but she told me I could put it on hold for 3 months (April may and June) and then I can get a doctor’s note till after my surgery and recovery to put it on medical hold till I am ready to come back.  With Brian.  So I’ll try that for 3 months it’s only 25 dollars a month for the hold.   Gives me time to think.

I kept thinking I should get on the bike this morning but I did not.  Oh well.  Maybe I need to push myself harder.  I know I need to tighten up on my food….

ETA:

Food has been very carby today

Fluids light

Exercise non-existent (I’m going out tonight I plan to dance some)

I’m home alone today that’s always a bad thing for me.  I really need to discuss this boredom eating with the nut. At my next visit.

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