Ethnic Chicken

Nothing Ethnic, Maybe some Chicken, Mostly Nessa

More Surgery… the re-invention of Nessa

Yes I’m going to have more surgery on Thursday. Only this time I am SCARED TO DEATH. Thursday I go to St. Agnes Hospital and I see Dr.G. Thomas Grace for a full “tummy tuck” (Abdominoplasty) and a mastopexy or BOOB LIFT… no implants at this point just a lift but Dr. Grace seems to think I”ll be happy with the results. I may be… he may be… but Jim… well he may not be. Of course I’ll still be flat on top so implants may be needed to make the girls fluffy pillows.. but with implants they will be. Dr. Grace says it’s the bra that makes the cleavage but I am not sure that’s going to be enough for me. Oh well time will tell… I will live with them for a bit and see how it goes…

I was not half this scared when I had the gastric bypass in September 2009. I cannot believe it’s almost two years since I had that surgery… it seems like yesterday….

My weight this morning was high for me now… 151.2 I have been as low as 145. The morning of surgery I was 256… that’s about 30 pounds down from my heaviest…. so I’ve lost about 135 pounds. THAT’S about what I’ll weigh when all the plastic surgery is done. I’ve lost ME…. wow.

I’ve also FOUND me… my life has changed so much… my marriage died…. my life changed with the addition of Jim as my partner… I’m now doing an age gap relationship where calling me a cougar seems appropriate… Jim is 38 to my 51 and there are days I feel so old… I’m also doing a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) and it’s HARD. I want to be with Jim full time… and being apart is HARD for both of us…. I really like being a girl… you know feminine and girly… I never really did that in the past… Jim, while not demanding these changes in my life… encourages them, relishes them, supports them (both emotionally physically and financially)…. and he enables me to find the person I am enjoying becoming….

So what has changed for me now…

I dress differently..no more comfy clothes… now it’s skirts and skinny jeans… and SHOES… oy SHOES… i used to only wear comfy flats… now it’s heels almost all the time… even my running around shoes have a 1 inch heel…. that’s about as flat as I get now… nothing much that’s elastic waist… Dresses… form fitting, no A line stuff for me… and it’s true clothes make the (wo)man… I feel differently about myself when I dress up…. it’s a good thing.

My hair… long and curly is no more.. now it’s short and straight… (and yes I like it better this way, makes me look more mature and yet younger… and the color…no longer a Lucille Ball red… now it’s more of a dark auburn… almost a brown with red…. I may go a bit darker still….

Jewelry is plentiful. There are bracelets that Jim has bought me.. my beautiful collar/locket that we had engraved and altered to reflect our life together…. I never liked things around my neck before I lost weight… now I feel naked without my beautiful collar… (and yes it’s a collar that indicates that Jim and I are in a committed relationship, some women wear rings… I have my collar… Jim wears a beautiful ring that I got him… I like that we want traditional things like a committed relationship but wish to symbolize it with non-traditional things…. he also wears his bracelet that I had engraved with KEEPER on it… For he is A keeper… and he is MY KEEPER…. and he takes care of me….

I love this picture… it defines how safe I feel with Jim…. and how Happy I am… I hate that I think I look old and my belly looks like I’m pregnant… I love how happy he looks with me all “critterfied” on him… He’s just such a delight to snuggle into…

Jim makes me feel pretty and sexy and desireable… odd considering that when we started this it was fun and games and I was not his type and not attractive to him….he was like he said “a single guy who was not going to turn down NSA sex” Amazing what love can do for a person… now I’m beautiful…. and he wants me… HOW the hell did I get here with him?

Anyway, I am doing the 95 trek after work to go get him… Hopefully I will be there by 6… I have to drive during rush hour…and he is being very kind and dealing with his dislike of my house and staying with me… He makes a lot of sacrifices for me… and I appreciate it.

Hopefully this summer of pain and stress will be worth it….

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Rather Random HUMP DAY MUSINGS…

It’s Wednesday… It’s hump day…. it’s the day before my darling husband turns 40… I must go get him a card today as tonight is our celebration… Tomorrow he works half a day and then he’s off to the races… he’s going to February Freeze which is a big remote control car race.   He has gone before but this is the first year he’s really going for the whole time.  He will be gone Thursday through Sunday… it’s good for him… he loves racing his little cars and he loves his friends.

And it’s good for me… I get to go visit a friend too…  and visiting this friend is FUN… I get to be mindless and childish and just relax and kick back and not work too hard at anything other than napping… maybe watching an old movie or two… oh and EATING… JUNK… I eat  and drink whatever I want when I visit friends….

I look forward to these visits.. probably more than I should… it gets me away from my day to day life..  if only for a little while…  usually a 23 hour reprieve.. sounds much like a hospital stay when outpatient is authorized…  this visit is a bit longer… about 48 hours.. I plan to make the most of it…

I should do a bathroom fashion show today but my heart is just not in it.  My pumps.. my favorite black pumps with the black bows… are TOO BIG… most of my shoes are too big… I look like I”m wearing mommy’s shoes.  I am actually going to go at lunch and get new shoes.   And I have to find something to eat for lunch…. and I can be a bit flexible… because well because the scale was below 150 today.

Below 150… it’s magic for me…  I went away for the weekend with hubby… to Lancaster.  It’s my FAVORITE place in the world for so many reasons…one of which is the FOOD… peanut butter covered pretzels.. full fat cottage cheese, apple butter, thick cut bacon, home made ice cream… yummy stuff… but the scale on monday was 153. It was well deserved and I just knew exactly what to do…

I used my tool… I stopped all the mindless munching.. I dropped all the simple carbs and went high protein… and poof two days later I’m down just over 3 pounds…  now I know if I stick to protein and no simple carbs I can drop weight easily… and yes there were times yesterday I was hungry but not overwhelmingly hungry… I could cope… I even ate a bit of bread…  and life is good.

Today I’m a bit more relaxed but still watching it…  I did my walking and my yoga… I feel good.

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Musings…

I swear I need a tape recorder for the gym…I think of such wonderful things to write about while doing my walk on the track… and I am SURE I am going to remember them but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  they are GONE before I get to the locker room…

maybe a note pad… I don’t think i can listen to music and make voice recordings at the same time..

The scale was UP today.   2.2 pounds worth of UP…. that sucks ya know  I only saw it once but I already liked 173.  Oh well I guess 175.2 isn’t bad.  just glad i never said I OWNED 175… just renting it…   I just wonder if even though I say the scale does not affect me it does?

I mean yesterday I felt thin and light and fluffy and cute… today I feel fat. and I’m not it’s 2 pounds of water for god’s sake.  it has to be water.  I ate very little yesterday.  I wonder about this food in food out stuff… I mean my gowear fit says I”m generating around an 850 calorie deficit on average…  I guess I am that’s about 6 pounds lost and that’s about what I’ve lost….

why is  this such a slow process?  why do we go up 2 down one up 3 down 1 up 2 down 3?  I hate it.  I wish there was a rhyme or reason to it… there is not.

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